Have you ever been pissed off angry! That’s how I feel, unless I push it back into it’s hole and ignore it. I feel like if I face it head on, I will crumble. I’ve been through lots of trauma and bad, unfair experiences before. But this beats all of them. This is bigger than the rest. I’m angry about the whole situation with my Twinny. Yes, I’m angry that she was shot. But even more than that, I’m angry that the scum of a human being that chose to do it is dead. Instead of being a man and facing the consequences of his actions, he was a pansy and chicken shit and killed himself. Somebody might say “he had this or that wrong with him”. Bullshit! PTSD doesn’t make anybody plan a murder/suicide months ahead of time. He knew exactly what he was doing!

I’m angry at his family because he told two family members the day of that he was going to kill himself. But they didn’t do anything. Maybe he’s said that before, I don’t know. But if a friend or family member came to me and said the same thing, I wouldn’t just blow it off. I hold his family responsible, not for his actions, but because they did nothing. It seems like this would be easier if the scum bag was alive and had consequences to face. There would possibly be answers to questions that instead, will never be answered.

I’m angry because for the rest of Twinny’s life (more than likely), she will have complications from this. She has lost everything that life was and used to be: her career, some friends, her independence, being able to drive, etc. She’s handled it all amazingly, but still. It isn’t fair! It would be easier if there was an ending to all her difficulties that she faces and will face because of this. But for now, there isn’t.

I’m angry at her doctors because nobody wants to dig deeper and find out why some of her symptoms are persistent and seemingly getting worse. They just blame it on the TBI and say “it’s too soon to know”. Maybe there’s something she could do to keep things from getting worse. I don’t know. I really don’t have a clue. But it’s like they are all content and don’t want to fight for her, their patient.

I’m glad this POS is dead! I know he was somebody’s son/father/brother blah blah blah! I don’t care what he was because he attempted to murder my twin sister and for some unknown reason, wanted her dead. He is a piece of scum pansy ass in my book and always will be.

I don’t know how to deal with this anger other than alternate between writing and ignoring it. I feel like if I face it, I will crumble. Sorry, not sorry for the language. Don’t judge me. Just being totally honest.