If people were honest, most everyone has or will have suicide thoughts at one point or another in their life. Having those thoughts doesn’t make one a bad person in any way. It simply means you are human. But there are a lot of people, mental health professionals included, who don’t know how to help a person with these thoughts. Maybe, it’s that they are afraid of the mess that could be uncovered.
One would hope that every mental health professional would know how to handle someone with these thoughts. But sadly, most pass their client off onto police and/or the ER. Even people outside of the mental health field do this. People “get off” by creating a story that doesn’t truly exist, so that they can be the hero in their own fantasy by calling 911 for someone with suicidal thoughts. I’ve had this happen to me numerous times, even to the point of someone thinking of filing a missing persons report. But I can’t control another’s behavior. So, it is what it is.
Why are mental health professions so afraid of truly listening and caring about their client? Why can’t someone be a real friend and sit with their friend in the moment of struggle? Why is so much of society incapable of actually hearing the cry for help from someone they claim they care about? Why are people more concerned about schedules than about having true friendships, but blame their friend for being selfish because suicide was completed? Selfishness falls on the friend for not caring enough to put others before themselves. Being busy is simply an excuse.
I’ve been in the dark hole of depression and suicide where so many are terrified to venture down into. I had stopped taking all of my medication but continued to have them filled every month. I was stockpiling “just in case”. I didn’t have a plan, nor a date. I didn’t want to die, but I was exhausted from the load I carried mentally and emotionally. I was tired of carrying so much pain and trauma, both from personal life and professionally. But I kept dragging one foot in front of the other, and continued to hide behind jokes and a smile. As long as I made people smile, nobody thought anything was wrong.
But she knew. My therapist knew I was in that very dark hole. She had told me multiple times that if I ever told her I was having suicidal thoughts, that she wouldn’t call the police or force me to go to the ER or the psych ward. She told me how she has spent hours on the phone before with someone who was suicidal, until they were over that hump. She treats her client like the human being they are with dignity and respect. So, fighting against every fear I had of her going against her word, I unloaded my thoughts to her. She didn’t freak out. She didn’t call 911. She didn’t call the police or force me to go to the hospital. She did exactly what she had said.
She told me about this program for first responders called Shatterproof and said she wanted me to go inpatient. I was terrified and had all the “reasons” why I couldn’t do this. Eventually, I asked her to give me 2 weeks. I had two major projects I absolutely had to finish and wrap up before I could even consider this. Then, I went.
When I thought my life was over, my life was just beginning. I’ve tried several different retreats/programs all claiming to help first responders with mental health. Some are better than others. But all were severely lacking when it came to their follow up support. I understand that the follow up support is very much whatever you make it. But the commitment from both sides must be there. The support from Shatterproof has been phenomenal, to say the least. And, if I ever need to go back, they would welcome me with open arms. No judgment. Just thankful I came back instead of the alternative.